Don't Forget that April 25th is World Penguin Day

Come to find out, there’s a celebration (or two) every day of the year (April 30th is National Honesty Day, and I'm already planning to have an honest discussion with myself). This Saturday, April 25^th, is World Penguin Day, a celebration of the beginning of the annual northward migration of the Antarctic’s Adelie penguins. I’m a big fan of the penguin. Not just for their obvious cuteness, but for their tenacity, their loyalty and their attention to detail.

Six things you can do to increase awareness of this marvelous penguin journey:

1. Take a friend to the zoo -- or if you can’t muster the penguin perseverance to make it there, watch this video from the lazy comfort of your home: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HHJWtLhHoE0
2. Attend a penguin parade -- or if that’s too much trouble, too, watch this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hocght2zfhA
3. Read a book about a penguin to your child. Or better yet, play a penguin game: http://www.nationalgeographic.com/marchofthepenguins/game/
4. Wear black and white (tuxedos are optional).
5. Walk around your block a bazillion times in solidarity.
6. Honk.

So, take a little time Saturday to wish them well. Happy trails, Penguins!!! Take a sweater.

Elizabeth Strout Wins the 2009 Pulitzer for Fiction

Frankly, THIS just says so much about ME (ha). Elizabeth Strout has been my personal favorite since I heard her read from her first novel, Amy and Isabelle, at the Mississippi University for Women's Eudora Welty Symposium in 2001. It was a life-changing event, and I even wrote her a thank-you note.

I only hope Oprah doesn't ask her to be a guest, because we can't let just anyone into the exclusive fan club. Ms. Strout is charmingly unaware of how inspirational she is, and all this world needs is another worked-up Oprah audience.

Yellow

I’m brushing up on my procrastination skills (brought on by lots of work to do this weekend) and I thought sharing would postpone acting responsibly even more.

At True Value Paint’s website, you can match your personality to a color.

I am a Yellow, which means:

You are quite the powerful thinker. It’s this talent that allows you to overcome a plethora of great obstacles. Luckily, this doesn’t affect your ego and you give off a pretty easy-going appearance. You enjoy the finer things in life and also have an attraction to art. If you can help it, you try not to rock the boat. But you also can’t stop yourself from searching for new ideas, methods or styles.

Click here to find out what color you are. (Loitering time = ~ 4 minutes)

Britain's Definitely Got The Talent

At the risk of jumping on the Interwebs' bandwagon about Susan Boyle: 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lp0IWv8QZY

I wonder if the reaction would be the same in America. I hope so, but I'm not sure.

Poor Derek

I had my annual flat tire on Friday. Luckily, I was near a gas station, so I pulled over and assessed the damage. Flat doesn’t quite do it justice, because the tire was really just wrinkled up around the rim that was touching the ground. It was a lovely Spring Indiana day – freezing cold and gusts of 30 mph – so I got back into my car pretty quickly and called to say I’d be late for an early meeting.

Then I called Free411 for the number to Big O Tires.

“Hello, Big O Tires. This is Derek.”

I explained the situation and asked about a mobile service. Derek said they didn’t really do that, but, if I could wait, he could come down after the morning rush and put on my spare tire.

“Well, Derek, here’s the thing. I don’t really have one of those.” (Lost it in last year’s blow-out and haven’t gotten it replaced because anything in my trunk isn’t really a part of my life anymore.) I went on, “I guess I’ll have to call Allstate Motor Club for a tow to you. It’s a shame, too, because I’m only about ¼ mile away. But I really appreciate your offer.”

“Have you tried airing it up?”

“What do you mean?”

“Putting air in it. You said you were at a gas station.” It was at this point that I knew Derek would talk about me for the rest of the day.

So, I aired it up, slowly drove the ¼ mile to the tire store, made the walk of shame to the counter and then waited on the diagnosis. “Your tire’s had it. The rest are in fair condition, but I noticed that none are the same. Do you plan to put a set on soon?”

“They come in sets?”

He laughed a little. I explained that I have annual tire catastrophes and haven’t really had the chance to buy a complete set. Plus, now that the car is 11 years old and could die at any time, new tires would just look silly, sort of like a really old woman with brown hair.

“For you, I recommend a used tire in comparable condition that comes with a 30-day guarantee.”

Thanks to Derek and his quick thinking, the whole thing cost me $35. And 75 cents for the air.

Life Magazine Online Again, But Better

LIFE and Getty Images, the two most recognized names in photography, have created Life.com so we can wander through the legendary LIFE archives - for free! More than 3,000 new photos added every day.

How this came about (again) is pretty interesting: Wall Street Journal, Life Magazine is Reincarnated Online

This issue is the first one after the day I was born. The feature story was "Point of No Return for Everybody" about automation eliminating jobs. And a story that made the cover was about an injustice in our justice system. Crazy. 46 years later and not much has changed after all.

Technical Writer Torture

Situation: There are gobs of flowcharts. So many that people roll their eyes at the mere mention of them. At first, I thought they reproduced at night when all the lights were off. Sort of like cockroaches. Despite folks’ pleas to management to stop producing them, they are continuously created.
Goal: Because management thinks people are merely confused by the flowcharts, they want to develop a process document that explains at a high level what they do. From there, they can add support documentation on “work practices” (don’t say procedures in the office, it’s comparable to saying bomb in the airport). Everything would be in easy-to-find, connected, textual presentations to alleviate the reliance on people grasping a bunch of willy-nilly flowcharts.
Nine months later and the umpteenth dance around the goal: Manager sends my first draft of process doc to Director for opinion.
Result: Director sends reply email to Manager:
----------
From: Director
To: Manager
Cc: Senior Manager
RE: Processes_All_Phases.doc

I did a quick read, looks pretty good. One thought: Might be easy to get lost in the process. I wonder if a high level flowchart (with brief descriptions of what the process is and why it’s done) would help?
------------

Yin and Yang

I have found that it’s best for me not to post anything here when I can’t be positive. There is a lot to be positive about, but, you know how it is, some folks, especially we menopausal ones, find it hard to think about anything but the negative at times. So, I’ll spare my little Interwebs tract of land the whine fest. There are people in Ethiopia, after all.

I leave for New York City tomorrow. As I say it aloud in my head as I type, I can’t not sound like the salsa guy. I’m happy but in the middle of my normal nervous phase right before any trip involving airports. It’s not the plane, just the airport. Once I’m on the plane, I’ll be fine, so there is that.

Let me try another tack to be positive here: I just know my personal space won’t be violated while touring the city like a Japanese person. Besides, it can’t be any more violated than sitting in a cubicle surrounded by folks from Plainfield, Indiana. Damn. Do you see my struggle? This little skirmish between good thoughts and bad can be serious. But, luckily, I could be in a whole different frame of mind in an hour.

Unrelated thought - The Goodbye Girl was on cable this weekend and it’s a personal favorite. I googled Quinn Cummings and found that she has a blog called the QC Report and a new book coming out in July. Her blog is quite funny – she blogged yesterday (the day after the movie aired) about an increase in traffic and the google search terms people used to find her. Cute.

There it was. Positive. For a minute anyway. ‘Cause there are things like the cubicle and the airport to think about.

Do-Over

Thanks to ingenious Web designer, Melody Watson, you’ll notice a new look here, and, hopefully, love it as much as I do.

I’m focusing more on my freelance business this year and wanted my site to reflect that. I also wanted it to be more reflective of me. I think she hit the nail on the head - even though she called the site ‘elegant’ once and well….while ever so close, it's not my exact aura :). For me, it has a northeastern, coastal, clean, crisp, beach-y, writer vibe and that’s me…in my dreams, anyway.

Anyway, I hope you’ll look around a while, come back often, and remember my name and this swanky new site whenever you have an itch for something wonderful to be written.

Excuse The Mess...

...during my re-construction. Big to-dos going on. Ch-ch-ch-changes, one might say have said in 1972.

I hope you don't stop by and think, "Who the heck is this Karen Rutherford and why is she so color and font and alignment blind?"

Newfangled site coming soon. Soon = as soon as Karen Rutherford holds up her end of the bargain.

So, please grab a' hold of your favorite safety partner and do be careful as you step over the clashing shades of red and fonts running amuck and such.

Thanks, The Management

February in Do More Review

While we continue to work out kinks in Karen 2.0, February’s release did have some solid improvements. The backup system was tested on the worst day of 2009 so far with a heated ultimatum to the Heavens. Results were favorable and though there was a meltdown, there wasn’t complete system failure. Small but steady progress was made on the experiment application and is currently at a 5.2% success rate. The procrastination issues have been fixed, for now. They will need close monitoring. The Leap philosophy has been embedded in the code and we are very pleased with its performance. We haven’t flipped the switch on the Leap feature yet, as we are preparing for a few upcoming changes.

Did I do more? I’m never sure until I recap through my gratitude journal.

I wrote, interviewed, searched, talked, looked forward to something, got fed up, wrote a tagline in a mere eight hours, didn’t watch television, went to Bloomington, worked, heard from Austin on Valentine’s Day, paid for a trip and a $400 gas bill, got taxes done, said no thank you to something not on the path, listened to a teleseminar, signed up for a class, put my best hex on a desperate boy, had a nice cry , tried a new restaurant, found the Storytelling Arts of Indiana, joined an online group, laughed at something that wasn’t especially funny, and was happy for a friend’s new house.

So, I think February was a success. Heading in the right direction and that’s what counts.

Is Al Pacino on the Facebook?

I feel like I shouldn’t admit this, but I don’t understand the facebook. I mean, I understand the term social networking, but isn’t that what telephones and email and blackberries and bluetooths and skypes and websites and blogs and ims and texts are for?

I guess this facebook is especially confusing to me, because there are games and walls and drinking and snowball fights and kidnappings and wars. It all sounds socially violent and very irresponsible to me.

But everything’s imaginary, right? So, let’s say I accepted four or five drinking requests and said yes to a snowball fight. I wouldn’t actually have to drive to the snow and the person who wants to throw a honkin’ ball of snow at me, right? Not only is that socially dangerous and illegal, it would also be very bad for my joints. (I don’t even want to know what’s involved in a mob war unless a young Al Pacino’s part of it.)

There are also constant questions about what I’m doing. Who wants to know? And why? This and the twits thing just feel awkward and creepy to me. I assume I type something in the little box, but where does it go and what's the point? I could never, ever do this. And you’re welcome.

I did, however, answer a quiz that had to be written by pre-teens about what I’m god of, even though I don’t really understand the question. I mean what could I possibly? I have no idea how it got on my page/wall/thingamajig. But anyway, I’m god of air, because it deemed me independent after it asked me if I would, with guns a'blazin', charge into a school where students were being held hostage by terrorists and I said no. Yea, explain it to me and then we’ll both understand.

So, feeling pretty confident that I’ll never belong, I’m forced to continue letting all these imaginary requests from the facebook pass me by. I don’t like being rude, but I really should watch out for my health now that I’m middle-aged and so unaware.

Empty Offices

I love an empty office. After the cleaning crew has come and emptied all the wastebaskets and turned off all the lights. I love to sit at my (temporary) desk with just one light on. It feels like night. Windows are two rows away and it’s a snowy day. It’s so quiet; I can hear the printer hum. All I hear is my own typing. I like knowing that the people who are usually here aren’t. They’re in their homes, probably just getting up or having coffee. I like that nobody knows I’m here. 

I wonder if my love of empty offices comes from memories of my father taking me to his when I was a kid. He traveled a lot during the week and would often go to his office on weekends. I don’t remember who initiated my going, but I sure am glad it worked out. 

He had a corner office with huge floor-to-ceiling windows overlooking one of those man-made, office park lakes. He’d let me sit at his secretary’s desk and play with the phones, the intercoms, the rolodexes, the papers. The typewriter! How I loved the typewriter. I’d take that plastic canvas cover off, plug it in and neatly stack my paper next to it. I was an expert at using those little correction paper strips that were fancy-new-fangled at the time. I’d place a strip over the wrong letters and type them again and they’d disappear. It was magic. And the office supplies! Forget about it. Hours. I’m still like a kid in a candy shop at the mere mention of the office supply cabinet. 

I ran the halls, looking in everyone’s office, getting to know them. I touched their stuff, looked at their pictures, sat in their chairs, and imagined their lives. Knowing that they couldn't possibly have the wonderful life I did. 

And here I sit forty years later in an empty office. I still look in other people’s cubicles. I still open up the supply cabinet just to window shop. I still correct my typing, just in a very different way. It’s so quiet that I can hear the clock on the wall ticking with every second. I’m sure if I closed my eyes long enough, I could hear my father calling my name from his big, important office, telling me it’s time to go home. 

Amazing Grass

In the midst of an email exchange with a friend today, we got to talking about digestive issues. 

“I’ve tried the probiotic stuff, but it didn’t help much.”

“It does seem to work for a time and then just quit. Sort of like an immunity build-up, so to speak.”

“I found this stuff called Amazing Grass at Whole Foods. But it worked well for a while and then stopped working, too.”

“Remember when amazing grass was something entirely different?”

We closed with hearty old-lady chuckles and trips to the bathroom.

Ship Coming In

According to my horoscope, my ship’s coming in tomorrow. Since I’ll be at the docks all day, I thought I should post something enlightening today. So here it is: my informal review of my new obsession, FX’s Damages.

I had no idea about Damages until I recently became a Ricky Gervais fan (I’m a late adopter, a.k.a. old person) and started reading his blog. He wrote that it was some of the most brilliant writing he’d ever experienced. So, I innocently clicked the Hulu button for Season 1, Episode 1. 

Hooked. Completely. Can’t stop. Peanut MnMs level of hooked-dom.

Yesterday, Ricky G. wrote that he was having the second season fed-ex’d. How ridiculous is that?!? :) Like Chris Rock says about OJ, “I’m not saying I could do what he did, but I understand.”

One of the writers is married to Grace, from Will and Grace. And another writer is the seemingly ("trust no one") oblivious doorman! Now, that’s funny.

And, of course, there is the burning question: What the hell happened to Glenn Close? Did someone beat her as a child? Relentlessly bully her on the playground? Lock her in a room? Chain her to a radiator? What was it that, to this day, gives this woman the endless supply of nasty she pulls from in role after role after role? I thought Cruella De Vil was bad, but this! This Patty Hughes. She’s hard to believe bad.

When Ellen asks her, “Do you regret what we did? Because I do.” and that woman looks at her and suspiciously asks, “You do?” Oh my. The icy chills. Sign me up for every episode forever and ever and ever. 

Damn you, Glenn Close. Damn you. 

On an unrelated note, at dinner last night, I was asked repeatedly about what kind of men I prefer. Huh? What kind of who do I what? It took me a few minutes to get with the program, but I came up with Craig Ferguson, Hugh Laurie and Colin Firth. And now I can’t stop laughing at my choices. I’m so obviously out of the loop. 

Then, my friend started picking out men in the packed restaurant and insisting on my reaction. I admit I sort of felt like an awkward girl of 39 again. But this must be stopped before it goes any further, because I really do like being in the house with the dog. I’ve waited on this peace for a long time. So, if (single) Craig Ferguson interrupted all this and knocked on the door and forced me to dinner and a movie, I’m afraid I’d have to say, “Thanks, Craig, but no thanks. Take all that love and admiration you have for me and move on down the road. Nobody here is interested in that stuff.” And then the dog would kill me in my sleep, because her survival of the fittest instinct told her it was the right thing to do for the betterment of my species. 

A Technical Writer's Dream

Some people think technical writing isn’t fun and exciting. To which I emphatically say, “Poppycock”. How often does this happen to you? 

Last night, I was awakened from what felt like one of those really deep sleep dreams. I was struggling with a Word table. I was rearranging columns. Inserting IP addresses. Typing in default values for things. Resizing screenshots. Centering. Bolding. Shading. 

Night before last, my alarm went off right in the middle of a masterful table of contents creation. I actually woke up and said “shit” out loud as I pushed the snooze button to try to get back to where I was so I could finish and save.

And, this weekend, I was indexing in my sleep. I know. It can’t get much better than subconscious indexing.

It was exactly what I’ve been doing lately. The kind of crazy fun that you just can't get enough of during the day and have to think about in your sleep! Night after night after night after night.

Ah, the enviable life of a technical writer. Now, you must try not to hate. This work and these dreams are reserved for special people. 

Note: Last night, I was also awakened by a second dream, though unrelated to tech writing and more scary than fun. My son’s father was moving my grandmother’s house to a small lot in a neighborhood very similar to my grandmother’s neighborhood. It was all very confusing, but I think I was moving there and I’m not 100%, but I think he was moving in, too! Writing this gives me the dry heaves. 

January in Review

February 1st marks the one-month anniversary of the release of Karen 2.0. This new version has some new features and some old kinks.

Features: It is supposed to be kinder, gentler to idiots (this has gone well, thus the use of the word idiots (actually we have noticed that it stops itself quicker when on futile tirades)). It is supposed to be working on an experiment (this has gone well and is at 4.04%). It is supposed to be more directed to writing and freelancing (this has gone well and we’ll know more as this comes together).

Kinks: Apparently, procrastination can be taken too far. We need to ask more calmly for what we need and want. We need to keep reaching out because crazy Universal connections are so meaningful and wonderful. We need to remember to repeat every minute of every day: leap and the net will appear (i.e., faith).

Kinks should be worked out soon - hopefully included in February’s service pack.